February 5, 2010

A Myth We Must Dismiss...

Last night, my best friend and I were having a conversation in which she said something pretty profound: "Don't you hate the media for how it socialized us to think that dating is easy?" No, she didn't think it socialized us to think there would never have to be any heartache or compromise. Quite the opposite! Sex and the City showcased more disastrous dates and relationships with outright cruel men than a girl can shake a stick at; however, what the show did make us think when we were 14 year olds watching it late at night without our parents knowing, was that a date was always right around the corner.

"You can't just go into a Starbucks and meet a non-creepy guy and hit it off in 30 seconds and arrange to meet for dinner on Friday," my friend railed. Indeed, you can't. You really, really can't. A guy who asks you out 30 seconds after having first seen you is a sleaze and is likely married so he must work quickly, or wants to kidnap you for human trafficking purposes.

What this myth does (for heterosexual women, that is) is to set up unrealistic expectations about how easy it is to meet someone great. Fabulous, emotionally mature men with law degrees and clean finger nails do not just see you on the street, notice you checking them out and immediately ask you out in response. If they did, they wouldn't be fabulous or emotionally mature, and I bet they wouldn't have clean fingernails, either.

The truth is, guys aren't out there, just waiting to pursue us every time they see a girl they think is cute - in fact, how insulting would that be, if guys only every asked you out before speaking with you. Wouldn't that mean they just wanted a warm female body they found sexually attractive enough? I'm not against physical attraction, but if a guy doesn't really even say 10 words to you before picking you up, does that mean he'd ever want to do anything with you besides have sex with you? And if all you want is sex, which is fine, then that's fine, but the idea that you can have a great date or meet a great guy from these chance encounters is f-ing ridiculous. They are not the foundations for good relationships.

This is why I love When Harry Met Sally. They meet 3 times before they actually develop some sort of bond, and that seems natural to me. Of course, they have to have years of friendship and accidentally sleep together before they get married, but at least Nora Ephron wasn't trying to convince us they fell in love at first site meeting at the garbage chute.

I hate a meet-cute that doesn't take a while to develop into a cute couple. You know?

1 comment:

Steph said...

I like this one!