October 7, 2009

Gossip Girl Feminist Update: Episode 4

This episode was the worst ever. My housemate and I agree, but still, its feministness MUST be quantified. A feminist tv commentator never sleeps.

Plus Ten points to Serena for finally telling Lily that she isn't going to Brown. Now, it was a bit cruel to leave it so long! What a shock Lily got when she came home to find her daughter hadn't gone to college like she thought, but still, her WASP bitchface was priceless and worth watching. WASP moms don't yell when they're disappointed, they just give withering glances that could castrate someone form across the room. For serious. Trust me, I know.

Plus five points to Jenny for freeing her schoolmates from aristocracy. I would give her more, but the act of giving an over-the-top speech to let them know they owe their freedom to you and that you could oppress them if you wanted to is pretty condescending. Little J. is making it clear to her peers even here that she could be queen if she wanted to be. Now, just how humble and democratic is that? Little J. is pretty insincere.

Plus ten points to Serena for wanting a job. No, she's never worked a day in her life, but really, she ought to start if she's not going to Brown. I'm happy that she's not going to laze around doing nothing all year. Serena showed some initiative for the first time every today, and that's great! Now please find some clothes that fit. It's okay to be a size six, Blake, now let them buy your clothes in it.

Minus ten points to Hillary Duff's Kate/Olivia character for NOT firing her traitorous publicist. Seriously, she WORKS FOR YOU! She should NOT be undermining you and your wishes. Just get another publicist, for crying out loud!

Minus 25 points to Blair for GOING BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL to relaunch the aristocracy and throwing a sleep-over for 14-year-olds. That was just sick. I do like that Blair has hit rock bottom, though. It gives her a good place to evolve from. Hopefully her initial social failure at NYU will be the catalyst for more feminist-friendly personal change on Blair's part.

Minus 5 points to Chuck for PAYING a photographer to pap his girlfriend. Trying to convince her that she has self-worth all on her own because she's fabulous is a point undermined by PAYING people to be interested in her. Blair should learn to love herself without being worshipped and monitored by voyeurs like Constance's less popular students. She doesn't need a pap shot to make up for the lack of Gossip Girl coverage!

Plus 5 points to Chuck for sending Blair the naughty teacher costume. I like that they seem to be having good and adventurous sex now, even if we can't see it! Seriously, CW. I know your ratings are hurting, and the best way to make them bounce back is definitely some softcore Chair porn like in the old days. Why do you never listen to me about that?

Total Score:Minus ten

General Comments:

Why were all of the emotional climaxes punctuated with people's names instead of profundity? I hate dialogue that goes like, "Don't forget you're Blair Waldorf, because I'm Chuck Bass," or, "I'm Olivia, but I'm also Kate." Yay, everyone knows their name! Can we please move on? Looks like College hasn't made anyone any smarter, with the notable exception of Nate, who, in his one scene, actually managed to play a practical joke on Dan. You see, he Knew Kate was Olivia all along, and thought it was funny his friend didn't. OMG, Nate understands irony! Looks like Columbia has done him good!

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