September 5, 2009

All About Orgasms

Orgasms are a funny thing. You know them when you have them, yet they can be really hard to describe and everyone has different associations with them. When I was younger, I thought I would never have one. This was not a pessimistic, defeatist belief on my part. I didn't want one; I thought orgasms were trashy. This is because in all the sex ed I ever had (and I had decently descriptive, pretty comprehensive sex ed where they even taught ten year olds what "rainbow kisses" are) I had never ever been told anything about the female orgasm. I knew that male orgasms happened at ejaculation and that ejaculation was the end of intercourse, but I was never told anything about why a female orgasm should or even could come in (pardon the pun).

So, I wasn't taught about female orgasms being part of the point of sex in school, and the media didn't really help either. Loving sex in movies is often portrayed as sex where the woman is super quiet and barely moving while getting it on in missionary position. Not sexy! Not intense, not energetic, just boring, but that's what I thought love was. I thought loving sex was quiet. I thought girls who screamed during sex were pleasure-focused and trashy. I thought if you were in love, that's what made sex feel good, not the orgasm. I assumed orgasms made sex LESS meaningful. I remember Reese Whitherspoon quietly losing her virginity in Cruel Intentions, and that's what I thought sex was supposed to be like at the time - quiet as the fucking dead.

We need better sex ed. I don't think I was the only young girl to think that the female orgasm was a woman giving into trashy lustfulness. What we need is more pleasure-focused sex ed. Sure, we need to teach safe sex, but what about good sex for girls? I used to think sex was only supposed to feel good for guys, and when you look at sex ed and sex in the media, that's not such an insane assumption to make.

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