May 6, 2009

Almost Mother's Day

Did Freud get it right? This article in the Globe and Mail implies so. Even when your mother dies, you'll never get over her. She is the single most influential force in your life, it contends, and that will probably be true forever...

It's an interesting relationship. You started out as part of her (not an individual, I firmly believe, which is why I'm pro-choice), and then, all of a sudden, you were separate and she couldn't control you anymore and you couldn't believe how you were ever in her, because you've decided she's nuts...

But seriously, mothers, as their jobs are socially constructed, have the hardest gig on the planet. They are to blame for everything that goes wrong with us because they're also arbitrarily assigned the most responsibility in raising us. I want children some day, I really think I do, but it scares me that I know, as much as my kids will probably love me unconditionally, another part of them will also hate me without bounds. I know this, because this is how I feel about my own mother.

Sometimes, my mom is my favourite person in the world! I think she loves me beyond all possible limits and only wants me to be happy. Other times, I think she's a revengeful monster who genuinely has it in for me. I'm sure she thinks of me in this polar, binarized way, too. You don't choose your mom, and you probably wouldn't like her at all or spend any time with her if she wasn't your mom, in many cases, but she is, and that's fine. Mom is mom. Mine told me to marry a WASP and have good blonde protestant babies when I was 16, and, as far as I can tell, still believes this advice. But, she also told me she'd support me no matter what career I wanted, even if she used to hate the idea of me getting a PhD (No way! You won't be done school until you're 40!) and she always sewed my Halloween costumes herself.

Happy Almost Mother's Day! I love you mom! I mean, I hate you some of the time, but I love you all of the time. Why? Well, I guess because you've always been there. I can't imagine myself without you, because I started off IN you. Hating you is part of hating myself (which all humans do) and loving you is part of loving myself (which all humans should TRY To do). Thanks mom! Love you, owe you! You have a FUCKING HARD job...Like seriously. I hope my kids are easier to raise than I was...

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