October 18, 2008

Dating: One of My Least Favourite Things

I have never been one of those girls who feels she needs a boyfriend. I'm good in a relationship and I'm good at being single too. I like both sides of the relationship binary just fine. The blurry spaces in between kind of confuse me, however. I hate the relationship binary as soon as it becomes a spectrum, which includes such confusing and awkward phases as flirting and dating.

I'm probably not going to say anything original in this post. All the reasons women hate dating have been well-documented before. First off, it's time-consuming. If I don't like the guy in the end, I will curse those three hours I could have spent with my friends. Time is valuable. I only have so much of it! Secondly, it can be boring. If I don't like the dude, making polite chit-chat with him for hours when both of us know it isn't going anywhere but are too civil to say anything is painful! There are times when I wish I could just scream, "You are fucking boring! I hate you and you have a stain on your shirt!" My solution is that I pre-drink before dating. That's right, I have two glasses of wine before any date. It makes me mellower and happier and less likely to scream. I highly recommend it.

When dates go well, I hate dating even more. The first kiss thing is awkward. When should it happen? Should I worry if on the first date it doesn't happen? Should I start it or should he? What if we miss and he bruises my teeth with his nose?

Once the first kiss is checked off, there will probably be hours on end of waiting to reply to text messages or emails and phone calls on both our parts too look busy and appear like we don't like each other in the hopes that this will make each of us like the other more. WTF?

Once we can finally admit we like each other comes the question of sex. I don't even want to get into that! The fact that the sexual double-standard still exists and that most girls I know have to pretend they don't want to have sex until the seventh or eighth date even though she and the guy may have both wanted it since the third is so fucked up I can't even explain. Of course, my experiences and my gripes are rooted in heteronormative dating rituals. I have no idea if the queer dating scene is this fucked up, and if it is, if it's fucked up in different ways or similar ones. I sincerely hope it's better. I wouldn't wish my awkward dinner dates and mid-priced Italian restaurants on anyone. Not even on Stephen Harper!

So, why the fuck do I date? I'm not sure. I guess society has convinced me dating is the way to meet the love of your life. That the guy you hook up with randomly at a party's love would be less sincere in the long-term than the love of a guy who takes you out for sushi and then waits 24 hours to call you even though he has nothing else to do to make you think he doesn't really like you that much so he can gain the upper hand. Yeah, that's totally the purer, more logical place to start a lasting relationship. Spontaneous hook-ups with people you immediately connect with = bad; mind-games that drag on for weeks while you pretend to be someone you are not to appear intriguing = good. At least, that's what I learned from Oprah!

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